part of the reason i am awake now is you. i heard your words and felt your hands in mine even as the past couple of months kept me sedated behind their black screens, knowing full well that many of you were reaching out from behind screens of your own. and now i’m out of the garbage and uncrumpled like the impossibly romantic (to me, at least) final moments of a-ha’s ‘take on me’ video. still the same heartbroken dork with scotch tape on my glasses (in two places, no less), but in my mind i’m feeling like Morton Harket, circa 1985. and possibly just as worth smoothing out and saving.
i have to give credit to something else too, something wondrous. a new song. it’s humming dangerously through me as i try to write this, threatening to kick the ceiling out and drag me up into the sky like a reverse shooting star. i wrote most of it in my head on a hike two days ago, practically running on an icy trail that meanders through the remains of an old RCAF base (now a wildlife sanctuary) south of here, its buildings long collapsed and replaced by trees. birds singing where pilots used to practice dropping bombs.
i was almost running because walking wasn’t cutting it. the faster i pushed into the woods the louder the song played in my head, the more the imagined instruments spread out like branches beneath the vocal melody, the more words bloomed suddenly in previously blank spaces. it’s my first one since finishing Öxnadalur, and it’s so beautiful to me that my chest is definitely going to explode at some point. i just can’t see how that won’t happen. i should probably arrange for some sort of protective vest.
i’ve decided that i want to try to make a 7″ vinyl recording of it. the song, not the vest. with ‘sightings’ on the other side, i think. a tiny record. and i want to do it soon. still haven’t even paid off my remaining debt for recording Öxnadalur, though, so maybe i’m being unrealistic. maybe i’ll sell my glasses.
oh wait, they’re broken.
if you haven’t purchased Öxnadalur yet (or any of my other albums/songs, for that matter), and can afford to, perhaps you could consider doing so. it would help, as it always does, more than you could ever know. everything i’ve recorded is available on bandcamp and iTunes. or just write to me if you can’t find what you’re looking for (especially if you can’t find a CD copy; i do still have copies of all the albums in my apartment, though admittedly very few of codes and secret longing at this point). there are many options.
i’m sorry that my last update (if it can even be called that) made some of you feel sad or concerned. that certainly was not my intention when i posted it. but if i can trust you with my songs (which i obviously do), i know i can trust you with pretty much anything. and, well…i was sad. and feeling lost. i guess i needed to share what i shared and knew it would be okay with all of you. we kind of hold each other up like that, in a wonderful way. i know you’re out there, supporting me from afar, and i’m right beside you whenever you press play. and what’s the point of faking anything, ever, anyway? i can only communicate as myself.
thank you to everyone for the recent emails and comments that i can barely get through without breaking down. you are so kind. i am so grateful. i can’t tell you what it means to me to know that Öxnadalur is being cared for and loved by all of you.
thank you to z for writing to tell me about vk.com, a whole online community of people listening to my music that i wasn’t even aware of. for caring enough about me to translate and send a small collection of some of the messages that are posted there. there is so much love and support for my music in corners of the internet i’d never seen. i had no idea.
and thank you to Martin for the ultra-glorious thing that is going to happen in November, and that i deliberately saved for the conclusion of this little update:
it is officially confirmed that i will be playing a show in Bamberg, Germany, on November 10th, in support of Öxnadalur. at Villa Concordia, with Sigurbjörg Þrastardóttir, the Icelandic poet. raised by swans, in Germany! Sigurbjörg will be reading her poems, and i will be playing my songs. i’m so thrilled and honoured to have been invited. and of course, amazingly, this will finally get me across the North Atlantic, and suddenly so much closer to so many of you.
so: i am beginning the planning for some European shows later that month. if all goes well, and i can afford it, i will bring some musicians over to accompany me, but no matter what i will be there, and will be playing as often and wherever i can while i am.
over the next few months, there will be shows in Ontario and Québec as well. and maybe even the States, if i can possibly arrange something. i hope. i’m trying.
whether it’s Europe or Ontario or the States, i could really use your help with suggestions as to venues, if you can spare a moment. not just cities, but specific places to play. some of you have offered suggestions already, and thank you for those. everything helps.
it’s good to be awake again.